10 Years In: 10 Things Motherhood Has Taught Me
I can’t believe I’ve been a whole ass parent for a decade. Ten years of big hugs, big feelings, late nights, and learning as I go. Being a mom has taught me more about patience, love, and myself than I ever expected. These are ten things I’ve learned along the way that have shaped my journey so far.
I’m growing up right next to her. It’s been so much fun becoming a kid again and finding the things that bring her joy and aiming to amplify the things she loves tenfold because I now have adult money! Getting to experience things—like eating a new yummy food (my favorite was when she had Nutella for the first time, funniest and best moment ever 😂), or going to Disney World for the first time, or traveling (whether boat, plane, or train) to a new place—through her eyes has been some of the most rewarding moments of this entire journey so far.
Guilt is something that appears whether I’m “doing it right” or not. There’s not a single day that has gone by that I haven’t felt guilty about some decision I’ve had to make for her. “Did she have too many snacks today? Am I a bad mom because I didn't bring her to the park so she could get some exercise?” Turns out, there’s no version of motherhood without guilt. Doesn’t exist. Guilt, I’ve learned, is just a product of comparison, expectations, the pressure to be everyone, everywhere, all at once. Letting go of unnecessary guilt has been the real test, and it’s something that I’m still learning to live with, even today.
Time is fast and slow at the same time. I always thought it was incredibly cliché when my mom would say that time is flying. The thing is, time is quite literally flying. The days can feel endless and monotonous, but somehow you blink and another year has gone by. Ten years in, I’m convinced time bends when you’re raising a human.
I deserve care and softness too. My mantra has always been “baby thrives when mom does,” and I stand ten toes down on that. I don’t have to earn rest or joy by being exhausted first. I deserve to feel good simply because I’m living in this warped timeline too. I turn to my skincare routine every morning and night which has become like a ritual for me. It’s time that I’m taking for me and only me, and it’s sacred.
I couldn’t make being a mom become my entire personality, and you shouldn’t either. (Unless that’s truly your entire personality, to each their own!) The first three years or so, it was the only thing I focused on. But it was a dark time and I knew there had to be more to life than this (cue: More to Life by Stacie Orrico, iykyk). I had to work really hard to remember the things that I enjoyed doing before becoming a mom.
On that same wavelength, I also had to work really hard to reconnect with my friends (especially childless friends) after having my daughter. Because so much of my schedule relied on my tiny child, I assumed I would be a burden to my friends. It was hard to lean on them when I was having a hard day because how could they relate? Turns out, my friends were there to keep my spirits up and remind me what a great job I was doing.
I need to treat myself as nicely as I want my daughter to treat herself. Kids are sponges, and they don’t stop being sponges when they turn a certain age. It’s always in the back of my head that the way I speak to myself, advocate for myself, and set boundaries is something that she might mirror in the future. The quiet moments matter just as much as the loud lessons. If I want her to grow up knowing she deserves care, softness, and respect, I have to practice those things myself, even when it feels hard. I’m still human and I’m not nice to myself sometimes, but I have to remember that giving myself grace is part of the lesson too.
Boundaries are key. I had no idea what a boundary was when I was growing up, but after many years of therapy, I learned that I needed them in order to grow and find myself by myself. If I let everyone’s opinions get to me about how I should be doing this or that as a parent, I wouldn’t have learned to trust my intuition.
I have to let her struggle. There are so many times when I want to step in and help her with something that she’s struggling with—half for my own convenience, and half because it’s really hard watching your kid struggle with anything. But letting her struggle means that she won’t grow up to as anxious as I was because she knows that she’s capable of handling everything life throws at her; big or small.
Mothering is HARD. It’s so bananas to me that millions of women give birth to little humans and then aim to raise those same humans to be good and fully functioning humans for (at least) 18 years and we’ve just collectively decided that this is totally normal and not completely insane??? No training, no manual, just a lot of love, trial and error, and hoping that I’m doing more right than wrong. It’s exhausting, overwhelming, and also the most meaningful thing I’ve ever done. It’s a full-time job layered on top of being a person myself, and some days the only win is that everyone made it through to the next day.
I hope this resonates with at least one mom out there. You’re doing an amazing job sweetie, and you’ve got this. Sending you heaps of love, light, softness, safety, and peace. 🤍